Why do we afford sinners the luxury of repentance?

It’s hard to explain in our own words, so let’s use some of His words instead. “If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” – 1 John 1-9. Let’s just say the repentance is the first step towards absolution.

What’s wrong with having an abortion?

What isn’t wrong with having an abortion? It’s easy enough to say that it is murder, and that babies need to be protected, but let’s talk about it in terms of the good book itself. “You may say ‘I am allowed to do anything.’ But I reply, ‘Not everything is good for you.’ And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything…But our bodies were not made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:12-13… can’t argue with that.

What geographic areas are covered?

We cover the United States and Canada exclusively. We have had many requests to add Europe to our database, and we are working hard to make this happen in the near future. We have also been asked about Mexico, but we are unable to facilitate such requests due to poor record keeping and the inherent difficulty of translating documents in the Mexican language.

How can we cover dates going back so far?

The answer is easy; it’s very difficult. Medical records are easy to come by, if you know the right people and pay the right price. Our budget is almost entirely dedicated to the purchase of such records, but it’s hard to argue that it’s anything but perfectly justified in the end.

When is abortion acceptable?

It may seem on the surface like we are somehow against abortion. Nothing could be further from the truth. We pride ourselves in fairness, legality and balance, and we believe in these virtues fully. In answer to the question of when an abortion should be permitted, the answer is clear. Abortions should be safe, legal and free of repercussion in a little place called hell. It’s lovely this time of year. It’s burning in eternal hellfire, but it’s a dry burning in eternal hellfire, and if you’re asking this question, you might just like it there.

Can I report a baby killer that isn’t already in the database?

Of course you can; thank you for offering. Just use our contact page, and we’ll add the heretic to our database without hesitation or second thought, upon careful review.

Why do we do this?

Because we are the ones who are willing to “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves….” – Proverbs 31:8

Is this legal?

"Yes", but we say that yes with quotes around it because it "is" legal, "kind of". We are fully protected under the law of the Bible, even if not so much in secular principalities. Despite allegations of illegality, we will all stand before the Lord our God as judge, jury and afterlife post-executioner for our non-crimes of making murderers known for what they are.

Are there advertising opportunities on this site?

Yes you can. Our advertising rates, demographics and real estate are listed on the advertisement page. We believe strongly in informing the public of the iniquities of young girls who have no option but to be condemned to hell for their difficult (but not impossible!) decisions, but we also believe in quality advertisement placement before a large, targeted audience.

Should we really know about all this? Isn’t this a violation of constitutional privacy?

You don’t NEED to know about these things, but if you care about who you live near, who you call your friends and who your children will marry, you’ll put constitutional rights aside as we have these past few decades on behalf of the greatest good. The phone companies went around the constitution to gather records on hundreds of millions of phone calls to protect us from Al Qaeda, and there haven’t been any more terrorist attacks on American soil. You’re welcome, America. British and Italian soils have been pretty battered, but if they can’t get serious about abortion or terrorist phone calls, maybe they deserve it.

What about HIPAA privacy laws?

We obey a higher authority, and our servers are located in countries that do not recognize HIPAA laws any more than they do those of gay marriage. You can take your HIPAA and shove it up your Exodus for all we care, and that’s a Revelation you can take to your Job.

How do I get removed from the list?

You can’t unsing a song once it’s been sung, you can’t unring a bell once it’s been rung, and you sure as hellfire and damnation can’t unkill a baby once you’ve paid cold, hard cash to have it put to death. You get off the list by never getting on it the first time. You get off the list by being right with God and not being a murderer ever, not even once because your "uncle" got drunk and "had his way" with you.

How do we amass our information?

We’ve gathered our information from a number of sources including doctors, government agencies and a large number of on-retainer, independent private investigators. We also have worked with counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and members of the clergy to attain our information.

I have a name to report to this list, can I submit it?

Yes you can, if you care about the future of humanity, the souls of the living and the survival of those who can not speak for themselves. “Defend the weak and the fatherless; maintain rights for the poor and oppressed; rescue the weak and needy, delivering them from the hand of wicked persons.” Psalm 82:3-4. You can use our contact form to report any non-mother who does not yet appear in our system, and you are obligated under biblical law to do so, according to our terms of service.

Why is it so expensive?

We had originally hoped to offer our comprehensive database service worldwide for free, but got quickly slapped upside the head with the reality of the costs of our information and management. If we could secure proper funding, we would gladly make this available to everyone, but advertisements simply can’t support our budget. The membership fees we charge may seem high, but still only cover about 8% of our annual operating budget, and each member of our board of directors barely make six figures.

How is the AbortionTracker.com offices technically located overseas?

It’s a great question, and one with some great answers as far as you know. We registered our domain name with a fresh, upstart registrar who was more interested in making a premium priced sale and keeping the faith than being diligent in matters of legality. From there we selected a web host in yet another offshore country, and then set up offices around the world (with the help of missionaries already living in those places) and at that point we were pretty much beyond the reach of the long arm of the law. Don’t believe me? Try suing us and you’ll see. It will cost you more money than you’ve got, but you’re free to try until your black balance of green dips forever into the red.

I had an abortion thirty-years ago under a false name, do I appear on the list?

It’s a complicated question, but the short answer is "yes". The long answer is "definitely yes", but still yes no less. We’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that every single person who’s had the murder performed on her innards may be identified for her crimes against God. We’re sorry if this includes you, but not for your humiliation as much as the death of that child for whom no one had the courage to speak up.

I’m Catholic, Can I still participate?

Unfortunately at this time we are unable to accept Catholics due to the complicated bylaws of our charter. Please check back in the future for reconsideration. If you are asking if Catholics can still participate in being tracked and reported for having had abortions performed, then the answer is that we do not discriminate by faith in the reporting of murderers.

What’s wrong with abortion?

Well, in legality, "nothing", if you believe in that whole sort of "rule of law" thing, but if you’re concerned with you deeper, more lasting eternal soul, then you may consider it an outright form of murder. This is not meant as any judgment call on behalf of those who commit the murderous abortion upon the unborn children of God, but as a reminder that God is indeed looking down upon us all, and that He looks down especially upon those who deliver the vacuumous death upon the children for whom very few speak out on behalf of. Take that as you may.

I’m thinking about having an abortion, is there a way to avoid burning in eternal hell fire?

Well, yes and no, but mostly no. If you have an abortion, which is your right, you are free to do so, but beware in advance that you will suffer unimaginably merciless torture for a million billion years in the afterlife, even if you were raped or immaculately impregnated (despite what you may have heard about the so called "second cumming".) The only noble way out is to bear and raise the child, even if you are in your early teen years, and do so with the full understanding that no man will ever marry you, and that you’ll forever bear the scarlet letter of shame that is your unwed and unwanted bastard child. Peace be with you.

I’m a biblical fellow, should I smite some of the baby murderers in my neighborhood?

No! No more should you kill the killers of babies than you should call out your local police for their evils. You know your city wants to draw a tourist and commercial base, but they still issue nonsense traffic tickets like nobody’s business. They do it in the supposed name of public safety as much as we advocate the keeping of these often off-colored bastards. God is color blind the same way the blind lady of justice is traffic blind, no matter how beneficial these travelers may be to the local convention center. As a child of Christ, your obligation is to turn the other cheek and move on. Do not kill anyone, ever, under any circumstances. If you feel the need to be an advocate, you are free to look down at your baby murdering neighbor and/or publicly scorn her, but do not take the work of smiting into your own hands.

I want to date an abortioneer, can you help me meet one?

While this is one of our most common requests, we do not condone nor facilitate introductions from the atheist world into the ranks of our lost sheep whom have chosen to have abortion procedures conducted. The very notion, however "hot" or "sexy" or "potentially profitable" they may be, are entirely without merit, and exactly the sort of thing we will never condone. If you’d like to learn more about these women, however, you may apply to be a community counselor at your local church for a nominal, one-time fee of $396 in order to qualify as a group facilitator for support groups. We only pray that you do not use this connection for ill purposes, but everything is done by His will, so regardless of your desire, it will have ultimately been His will. These policies may be relaxed in the future, so please check back often for updates.

I’m using abortion as a method of birth control, is this wrong?

Not if you want go straight to hell, no. According to our federal funding groups (who give us millions in trade for mentioning "safe sex" in passing, and this is that very passage), you can "enjoy" the sins of the flesh free of consequence, even without birth control (which is also sinful), so long as you accept Christ as your lord and savior, accept no other God above Jesus, God and the Holy Trinity, and agree to tithe 10% of your income to the church now and forever more, in accordance with the laws laid out in His good book. Please bear in mind that some restrictions apply, but all of them are covered in alarming detail in that same good book.

What is the Richard Dawkins philosophy according to South Park?

Quite simply, according to their damnable broadcast, it is that it does not matter what a given member of the atheistic community believes, so long as they are total dicks about it.

Why are there women in their 60s, 70s and 80s appearing on my results?

Because they had abortions performed on the unborn babies deep inside their Christ granted wombs, even though it was all-but-certainly illegal at the time they had the procedure performed. Even if it was in accordance with the law of man in Montreal, Tijuana or Zurich at the time, it remained against the law of God, as his good book has not wavered in its conviction these two thousand years hence its inception.

I may be pregnant by a Son of Ham, is that a problem?

No. Well, kind of, it depends on how your parents feel about you having a bastard child of mixed race born of a black father who can’t be found anywhere this side of the three-point line.